God Is Love

So I decided to change my background for the ever appropriate holiday of Valentine's Day! That was a bit of sarcasm, just to let you know. But I'm trying not to be bitter. Obviously those of us who don't have valentine's will not enthusiastically enjoy the holiday, BUT I am going to do my best to cheer you up and give you some hope all the while trying to give myself hope too! However, I have a feeling this is going to be one of those practice what you preach messages.

So, love. Not my best subject. Not something I'm exactly familiar with. I have only been in one relationship my entire life and it absolutely and utterly crashed and burned. I have to say that even though it brought me some of the absolute best memories of my entire life that to this day still make me smile, I never want to be in a relationship like that again. You know why?? Because it didn't have Jesus. God was not in the middle of that relationship. And even though that relationship was over 4 years ago I still to this day debate to myself whether it was really love or not, I'm always back and forth. But now I know the answer. Even though I have never experienced those feelings since then, it wasn't love. Because God is love. And God was absent in that relationship, so there was no possible way we were in love, which explains everything about the way it turned out. Since then, I have never even come close to being in a relationship. Only one other has ever given me the time of day to actually hang out with me, listen to me. But it is much better as a friendship. So, I'm left lonely again. Waiting, every single day, for the man of my dreams. I wake up every morning hoping today is the day. I try my hardest to not think about it and hope for it, but it consumes me. And it hurts. My heart breaks every time I go to sleep because today wasn't the day. I'm lonely. I try not to show it, but I'm so lonely. Today I felt a conviction on my heart during the invitation at church today. God told me "April, why do you keep saying you are alone? Do you not see that I have been right here the entire time? That while your looking for your love, I'm loving you?" I still wish I could say that I completely gave in and turned my back on my search for love, but it's hard. I do love God with every ounce of me and I know that He has been standing right beside me this entire time. I just get so excited thinking about praising and worshiping God with the one person God made me to be with! So that's my story, fighting loneliness every day. And if your lonely too, maybe this will help.

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God is love. Now go back and re-read that and replace the word love with God.

I hope Valentine's Day isn't too bad for you. But instead of wasting our time worrying about what to buy our special someone and what romantic thing to do, I'm going to thank God for being the love of my life. For doing something that not one man on this Earth would ever, could ever do for me, die for me. On an old rugged cross.

Thank You God for loving me, even when I don't love me.